A Big Step forward

Then while playing around in bed she brought up something that she had said many times before. She wanted to feel like she has conquered me sexually as it all felt too easy for her, as I just submitted to her and she just took what she wanted, but she wanted to feel like I would resist her and she overpowered and dominated me. This went against my whole makeup which was of I want to submit, my submission was a gift, and that she 'should' enjoy that!?

Until this point all sex was completely directed by her, I was her complete sex puppet, her sex toy, a living breathing human sex slave! do this, lick here, down there, and she completely uses me for her pleasure, I am ignored in terms of my needs, we kiss and I kiss and worship her, but it is completely about her pleasure and never about mine, so far like this she has trouble having a orgasm with oral worship, and needs full penetration (now more often than not with my complete denial).
But this had not really satisfied her and she wanted more she wanted to really conquer and devour the beast!

So then we tried something different, we tried none-consensual sex slavery!! - which of course was a contradiction and seemed silly, I was totally submissive to her, I wanted to completely focus on her and be her total slave, and just melt into her needs and desires. But now what was required of me was even more submissive as I had to resist being submissive sexually to her, I had to give up my submission and push against her, I had to not want it, and then we would see if she could conquer me. So I resisted, it felt weird pushing against her, and saying 'no' , 'get off me', 'you can't do this to me' and struggling with her, we half wrestled, now I am much stronger than her, but I could go into a state where I could not overpower her. It was not natural for me, and felt weird but I was tapping into something inside myself that I later realized was my egoic resistance to her power. For her part she transformed, rather than just directing me she became emblazoned, afire with power and the goddess riding and conquering the beast, she rode me, slapped me, bit my chest and nipples, scratched me, really dug her heels into my legs, and kept calling me slave, and 'I own you' or 'who owns you' - she was on fire and I could tell she was having a wild time. We both did not cum, it was super intense but she did not reach full orgasm, but it was a transformational experience for us both. We were very close after and talked intimately- we both felt like I was her prey, her victim and she was the tyrant, the abuser, we knew we were tapping into deep things in the human psyche and neither of us completely understood why the experience was so intense and so good. But we, well she realised that much of my resistance outside the bedroom could be brought into it and that it would help bring these 2 sides together, and a new level of transparency between us could be reached. I now had permission to express if I didn't feel like a slave or being submissive outside the bedroom, and then she has the choice in how to deal with that, if she wanted conquer me, and take charge more.

What seems to have happened is we are more in love, close and loving, more transparent, and the differential has really increased, now she looks at me differently, not just as something to boss around but something she wants to take, and own, and control, something that might resist her. I feel so different its amazing, after we finished I felt less submissive to her, more like I was more me, but when she commanded me, she was really my boss in a deeper way, before I often just didn't feel submissive, I didn't feel like she was the boss, or that what I was doing for her, I really didn't have to do, I just felt like i was cleaning or washing etc but not at all as a sub.


Now it feels we are rubbing up against each other in a way, now I have permission to be completely open about how I feel in terms of my submission or not. So far I am jumping to the snap of her fingers and every word, and feel much more like she owns me, more importantly I feel that she really wants to own, possess, control, and completely enslave me. Bare in mind 8 months ago this was a semi regular vanilla relationship, and now she wants to own me, perhaps getting to the point where its more than I want to be owned. But I have never felt happier, we both really want my complete slavery to her, and want to live together in a home where I can be her attendant slave.